Dear Ranjani,
I happened to read your article “Breathing space in a Marriage” in the Open Page Section of “The Hindu” dated Nov 26, 2011.
Let me first congratulate you for choosing to write about this contemporary topic. However, I have some observations, which I would summarize in my response to your article below. I am not sure whether the moderator at “The Hindu” would approve my comments. So I thought I might as well write to you.
One cannot completely deny the points raised by you – especially when I have enough evidence in my immediate circle of family and friends to agree broadly to what you are saying. But what I think you have failed to qualify is that the incident you are reporting is more common in single-male-child households.
For a woman of the previous generation – to whom the world began and ended with her family – the thought of another woman intruding the private space between her and her son is something unprecedented; and, as a consequence, creates in her an emotional turmoil that is tough for her to handle. But that is where the daughter-in-law has a responsibility – to make those little sacrifices that could prevent such thoughts from taking root in her Mother-In-Law’s (MIL) mind. This does not require a world record leap in humility from their end. For all modern women’s achievements in education, they still have to play the role of a daughter, daughter-in-law, wife and a mother.
It is a common observation that some working women of today (including my own sisters and cousins) lack the patience and “adjusting” capabilities that make successful marriages. Their big ego (which is partly due to their career achievements) doesn’t allow them to humbly acknowledge or accept the differing views of their MIL. It is their impatience that eventually leads to failed marriages. Your whole article fails to take this perspective while it conveniently attributes everything to the MIL.
To me the whole article appears a rant, motivated either by your own personal experiences or of those who you hold dearer to you. There is another perspective – that of the MIL, that you have completely overlooked.
There could be exceptions to what I am saying – some of the girls could have run into possessive, unyielding, unreasonable MILs as with the case you documented. But to generalize this to monstrous proportions and attribute this as a strong reason for failed marriages is a little far-fetched in my opinion.
Warm Regards
